Pat's Biography

Pat's less interesting version of his bio, written by a stranger who hardly knew him, is also available.

Pat Paulsen - Biography

Pat Paulsen, America's favorite presidential candidate has had quite an illustrious career.

Entering school at the age of three, it was soon obvious he was an exceptional child. At eleven, Mensa confirmed his I.Q. at 205.

Enrolled in a think tank in Washington in 1941, he proceeded to crack the Japanese code which hastened the end of World War II. In gratitude, President Harry Truman awarded him the Medal of Honor.

He then pursued his interest in physics by working at the Livermore Lab and became the main architect in the development of the hydrogen bomb that assured America's supremacy in nuclear physics. He was awarded another Medal of Honor and the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1952.

As a hobby, Paulsen began to paint in his spare time and today, several of his masterpieces hang in the Louvre. His oil on canvas titled "The Races at Santa Anita" is currently valued at over five million dollars. His later works were described by art critics as "luminous plein-ar", a term only used to describe great works.

Wishing to be involved in the legal life of America, Paulsen enrolled at the Harvard Law School in 1954. Graduating in just two years, he placed top of the class and was admitted to the Bar that year. His brilliance in court enabled him to amass a personal fortune in excess of forty billion dollars, freeing him for other pursuits and desires.

Sowing his oats, Paulsen started dating some of Hollywood's most beautiful actresses - Ava and Elizabeth and Lana. His reputation grew and he was voted America's "Sexiest Man" in 1967 in a poll conducted by Photoplay Magazine.

Tiring of this adoration, Paulsen began a love affair with Chinese art and culture, writing several books on the subject. These included the much admired "Civilization of China" which won him the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1969.

Possessed of a fine singing voice, Paulsen now turned to his first love, opera. Debuting at La Scala Opera House in Milan in the role of Pietro in Don Giovanni, he displayed a range from lower C to E above C-sharp, an astounding feat, even for Paulsen. Critics marveled at his "purity and naturalness". He later joined the Metropolitan Opera House in New York, singing many varied roles for twelve years and was voted "Singer of the Century" in 1973 by the music critics of America.

Feeling the need to move on and being in great shape, Paulsen entered the Atlanta Olympic Games in 1996, hoping to do well in the modern pentathlon. Far exceeding everybody's expectations, he scored first in every event and was awarded the Gold Medal.

As for the future, Paulsen and British scientist Stephen Hawking are working on a paper to reconcile quantum mechanics with the theory of relativity. "I believe we will be able to explain the meaning of life and how it started and prove the existence of God," Paulsen said.