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Are Our Draft Laws Unfair?
October 29, 1967

A good many people feel our present draft laws are unjust. These people are called soldiers...Now the crux of the criticism is based on the premise that an ineptitude without gross regress tends to efficiate and gorge masical...and frankly, we find this a bit cloudy.

Let's take this step by step...When we talk about the draft, we are talking about a law duly enacted by Congress, in which men should be drafted first...women second...and Congressmen last. And what are the arguments against the draft? We hear that it is unfair, immoral...discourages young men from studying, ruins their careers, and their lives...picky...picky...picky.

Actually, there is no place like the Army for building character...seeing worthwhile places...learning a trade...and just being with fine, stimulating people. Everyone knows that -- well, not everyone or we wouldn't need a draft, would we? Ha - ha - ha...Now we don't claim the draft is perfect. And we do have a constructive proposal for a workable alternative. We propose a draft lottery...in which the names of all eligible males will be put into a hat and the men will be drafted according to their head sizes...The tiny heads will go into the military and the fat heads will go into government.

Speaking for myself, I would be right up there in the front lines if they'd have me...But unfortunately, the day before I was to appear before my draft board, I shot my toe off duck hunting in my living room...Thank you and goodnight.

    Thank you,

    Patrick L. Paulsen, V.P.